The Inspector

Floating like pale ghosts as they walked, three men in white sterilized uniforms began their examination of the psychiatric hospital. One was the doctor of the institution. The other, his assistant. The third man was the inspector-a tall, dark-haired man whose footsteps echoed blankly as he walked the halls. His shiny black loafers clicked with an indifferent air, and his cologne was of the species that suffocated the nose and throat. With the doctor and the assistant flanking his sides, the two men looked more like accomplices than aides to the assessor.

The first room the group entered housed an elderly woman named Gale. Her memory had succumbed to Alzheimer’s at an unnaturally early age, and she was now one of the oldest patients of the institution. The inspector, clipboard in hand, took note of the stability of the bed and the jiggling doorknob, but did not steal more than a moment’s glance at the empty woman, whose eyes were her only feature that still glimmered. If he had, he might have noticed the black creature draped around her neck. The creature had a downy body that curled around her like a scarf-an eternal fashion statement-but it possessed a thorny tail that wrapped around her cranium. Its spikes were permanently imbedded into her brain, and its face lay shrouded across her heart. But the inspector made no notice-so he continued on to the next site in need of his keen eye.

The second room belonged to a young man named Jason. Schizophrenic, he was prone to inexplicable outbursts of differing natures. He had severe paranoia and was inclined to shrieking. The inspector entered to find Jason unmoving, fixated on a particular spot in his chamber. But as had been with Gale, the inspector ignored the man and his line of sight, writing authoritatively instead on the defect of a light fixture. This time, occupying the tiny space was a multicolored bat-like creature with tattered wings. On edge, the tiny beast offensively resided in the corner of the room, its polychromatic body flashing intensely, creating a vibrant illusion that hypnotized its viewer. Just as the inspector was arranging the last of his papers, the brute flapped its wings and hopped about the room violently. Jason, tortured by waiting for the monster to stir, finally had reason to cry out in fear, for it was approaching closer and closer to him, bearing two gleaming fangs.

The doctor then shouted harshly at the young man, clapping his hands in Jason’s direction with such a force that it lowered his cries to a whimper. For although Jason was harmless, his screeching was a constant irritation.

“Just got to show them a little discipline-you’ve got to be strict to get some cooperation,” the doctor said as he attempted to explain himself and make some small talk.

But the inspector only nodded, passive and unmoved.

The third room was where Joan resided-or sometimes Michael, or sometimes Nancy. This woman, victim of horrific abuse when only a child, was afflicted with Multiple Personality Disorder. With her name constantly changing, the staff of the institution simply referred to her as Patient 661, taking the name from the number of her room. This designation even appeared on official files within the facility. In this case, the inspector for the first time was forced to address the patient, as her pacing and muttering throughout the vicinity was a central interruption to his task.

“Excuse me,” the inspector said flatly, “If you would please take a seat.”

“What did you say to me, smartass?” Joan or Michael or Nancy replied, turning to face him.“ How about you use your bloody limbs and get outta my face.” She was Michael today-an alcoholic man fond of cursing.

The inspector stared back coldly. “I won’t ask again. Please,” he said, his voice level: “Sit down.”

“Freakin’ hell,” Michael spat back, unintimidated.“ Try me, you damn bastard.” And with that she took a few steps forward, staring dead-set at the inspector.

It would go undocumented, but a dragon-like creature with three heads stood monstrously at her side. The creature’s heads were all spitting at one another, bearing their teeth and making guttural noises as their collective three pairs of eyes rolled and shone red. Its long tail thrashed from side to side with agitation, and looking down at its four legs revealed sharp claws curling inwards. At this point, the head that had been showing the most dominance over the other two suddenly lost its position with a bite to the neck by the westernmost one, which now seemed most in control.

It was then that the doctor, red-faced and flustered, ordered his subordinate to page for security.

But Patient 661’s face and, indeed, whole demeanor seemed to change with the sudden ascendancy of the creature’s westernmost head. The anger in her eyes vanished and was replaced with confusion, and her body that had a moment ago been so commanding now shrank back in submission, shoulders hunched and her whole being retreating back.

A second later she found she was on the ground, pinned and with the breath knocked out of her by two men in black. The inspector was now calmly going about the room once he found the patient restrained, and when he was finished the doctor instructed the woman’s oppressors to stand her up. Lurched to her feet and gasping for breath, her body shook uncontrollably as she cried.

With a voice no longer husky or harsh, she implored with increasing intensity, “Please, don’t hurt me! Where’s Susy? Where’s my Susy? What have you done with her! Where is she! Take me to her! Please! You’re not telling me... I know you know! ”The doctor noted she had inexplicably become Nancy again-a middle-aged woman with a missing daughter who insisted her disappearance was a cover-up.

Nancy continued to plead, but the inspector, his work done and with no desire to interact with the insane inmate any further, exited the room while the doctor’s assistant relayed orders to the guards to stand watch outside the door of Room 661.

The inspector and the doctor and the assistant continued, entering a fourth room... then a fifth... then a sixth... until eventually they reached the place where they began. Adjusting his uniform, the inspector handed the grade of the facility to the anxiously awaiting doctor and assistant.

“Acceptable, with no additional follow-ups needed until the following date of review. Only fix the light in Room 671-and Room 682’s doorknob is loose."